The child does not listen: what is the meaning of "I don't want" and "I won't be"

Parents often complain: the child does not listen, regularly uses the phrases "I don't want" and "I won't." But instead of perceiving these words as a challenge, you should see something more important behind them - an emotion, a need, a cry for help or a demand to assert yourself. In this article, we will understand what children's resistance actually means and how to act as parents in order to maintain a connection with the child.

What do "I don't want" and "I won't be" mean: briefly about the deep

A child's refusal is not always about bad behavior. Often this is a signal that parents have not deciphered.

"I don't want to" can mean:

• I am tired/tired
• I'm scared or anxious
• I don't understand what they want from me
• I want to decide for myself

"I will not » — often:

• protest against pressure
• attempt to establish boundaries
• reaction to loss of control

There are few words in children's language, but many emotions. I "I will not"" is often the only thing a child can say when he can't deal with his feelings.

Why does the child not listen? And why is it not about stubbornness, but about the formation of a personality?

Parents want the child to "listen", that is, to carry out adult instructions without resistance. But at a certain age (especially 2-4 and 6-7 years old), resistance is the norm.

At 2-4 years old "I" is formed - the child checks the boundaries and learns to defend his own opinion.
At 6-7 years old — the transition to school age, new rules, growing internal tension.

When the child does not listen, this is his way of declaring: "I am." I'm important. Hear me."

Source: freepik

What is the meaning of "I don't want" and "I won't": typical situations

1. Fatigue and overload
   The child says "I don't want to go for a walk" - because he hasn't slept, not because he's lazy.

2. Need for control
   When everything is decided for the child (what to wear, when to eat, what to play with), resistance becomes the only possibility to have at least something under control.

3. Fighting for attention
   "I won't eat porridge" may not be about food, but about the fact that the child lacks mother's participation, a look, a hug.

4. An incomprehensible task
   Adults often forget to explain: "come together" - what exactly? For a child, the phrase may not mean anything. He doesn't listen because he doesn't understand.

How to deal with it: 6 practical tips for parents

1. Validate feelings, don't deny them
   Instead of: "Don't be capricious"
   Better: "Don't you want to get dressed now? I understand."

2. Offer a choice
   Not: "Get dressed now!"
   A: "Do you want to put on socks or a T-shirt first?"

3. Explain clearly and concisely
   It is difficult for a child to understand many words. Speak specifically: "In 5 minutes we will leave. Get your shoes ready."

4. Follow routine
   If the situation repeats itself (for example, "I won't brush my teeth"), consistency helps. The same at the same time = less resistance.

5. Do not compete for power
   When you start a fight for "who is the boss" - you lose the connection. The one who stays calm wins.

6. Be an example
   If you constantly shout, and then demand "obedience", the child will not hear you. He copies, not listens.

Source: freepik

When "not listening" is something more: a signal for action

If the child constantly refuses, is aggressive, withdraws into himself, or his behavior has changed dramatically, it is worth contacting a specialist.

Psychological triggers may be associated with:

• the birth of a younger child
• tension in the family
• bullying or fears
• moving, new kindergarten

When the child does not listen, it is important not to focus only on external behavior. Behind the resistance is an emotion, a need, a search for boundaries. The parent's task is not to suppress the reaction, but to understand it. If we learn to see something more behind the words "I don't want" and "I won't" - we will maintain trust, a deep connection and build a relationship in which the child will feel heard and accepted.