About imperfection: 8 reasons for the appearance of the "bad mother" complex

Mothers often worry about their imperfection.

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All possible objections still lead to negative thoughts such as "I'm doing everything wrong" or even "I'm a bad mother." And why?

There are many reasons for concern, but there are eight main ones.

8 reasons to worry that "I'm a bad mother"

I let my child watch too many cartoons

They say that the daily norm is two hours. At this time, they include browsing the Internet, TV, and playing games on a smartphone. It seems that 120 minutes is not much for a child and there is nothing to worry about, considering that after kindergarten there are three hours left until bedtime to wash, play and read a fairy tale. In theory, it is easy to be a good mother.

But for some reason, everything is not going as we would like. The child does not wash, does not play, does not read until he spends his limit in the gadget. Looking into the eyes of the child, filled with prayer, you remember that in childhood everyone loved to play consoles. The only thing is that technological progress reached you at the age of 10 years. And it was a wonderful time.

Having found an excuse, the parents turn on the cartoon to the child and go about their business. Next, accusations of weak will begin. Everyone around is shouting about the harm of gadgets and the degradation of the young generation, who only do what they watch videos on YouTube. And who is to blame? Of course, parents who give their child a smartphone instead of a paper book.

And they forget that over time there will be a fairy tale, and the child can already read it, and he knows the alphabet since he was two years old. Because they cannot resist technological temptations.

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I work too much

Mothers who work worry that they don't pay enough attention to the child. The worst thing is that I really like the job, I want to spend more time, because there is a desire to realize myself, to earn more. After all, at work you feel like a real person, and it is impossible to imagine yourself at home with a child to whom you give all of yourself.

From all sides, mothers hear that the child should be a priority compared to work and try to find an excuse. The child needs to be fed and clothed, but money does not appear on the card just like that.

Over time, the child will grow up and it will be much more interesting to him with friends than with his mother. And what then will a mother who has lost experience, interest and skills do?

The excuses sound very affirmative and you sit down to work. But in the depths of the soul, thoughts about a "bad mother" still sit, because she chose a job, not a child.

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I sometimes break down

There are no children without tantrums. Every mother faces scandals. I read a lot of psychological books and advice, it is known how to calm down. It is clear that shouting will not help, corporal punishment is a categorical "no", only a calm conversation remains.

"I will be a good mother," you tell yourself and start the conversation. Unfortunately, it is not always possible to establish a clear conversation algorithm.

The child's tantrum works like a red button to call the elevator to the ninth floor. One moment — breakdown and screams. It works. And now the sad baby turns into an angel again, and the mother curses herself for the breakdown and worries that she has caused psychological trauma to the child. And he will remember it all his life. He remembers precisely this failure, and not the care for it.

The psychologist reassures the mother that she is human and can fail. Children are not spiteful, and everything will be fine. It's understandable, but I always want to be good.

I did not give birth to a second child

Mothers of one child heard questions in their direction about the birth of a second child. One of the reasons is that the child is not bored and always has someone to play with, and when the family grows up, support.

At the moment when a mother looks at her child, who is playing with cars, it is as if he realizes his selfishness. He thinks about the future and sees how he will not have support in the form of a brother or sister. She feels bad because she chose personal peace, not the joy and happiness of brotherly love. It seems that she did everything wrong again.

I don't play much with the child

You will always have an example of an impeccable mother who plays all kinds of games with her baby: hide and seek, pirates, performances, singing, drawing. It seems to second mothers that they are not playing the way they should.

If it is admitted, then it is clear that interests have changed. Now I want to read a book, take a bath, clean my closet. It is no longer interesting to play with dolls or ball for five hours. There is a desire to play your adult games, it's scary to say - to work. Or spend time with a friend, send the child to the grandmother.

I read on the Internet that the mother should not constantly entertain the baby, temporary relief comes. But in spite of themselves because of the fact that they "didn't finish the game" they always follow. But in the end, there comes a moment when it seems that the exam for a good mother has failed again.

I can't buy my child everything I want

All mothers make a promise to themselves: my child will not need anything. Mountains of fruit. And toys. Attractions and game rooms. Disneyland and the fulfilled request of Santa Claus. Classes in English, music and fencing. But it doesn't work.

The choice can be between clothes and a cool toy, between a book and a car. This choice follows constantly, and the child's requests to buy something are a stone's throw away. Because of this, it is necessary to often explain to the child that this is life, and that is how it happens. But the "bad mother" complex does not leave.

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I did not follow the child. Or, even worse, lost

Many mothers admit that at least once in their lives, horror happened when they either lost or did not follow their child.

It would seem that everything happens, and this is normal - it is impossible to be on guard all the time and insure the child. But I really want this.

As a result, the "untidy mother" complex is oppressed. I want to believe that this will not happen again and next time I will be able to save my baby from annoying situations. The fact that you are a human does not reassure. And another coin falls into the piggy bank of imperfection.

The child manipulates me and I can't always resist

There is an opinion that by giving in to the child, the mother somehow loses her authority. Everyone around insists on how to strictly raise an ideal child, who will later be grateful to his parents. You can't argue here, discipline is the way to a bright and secure future.

But it is difficult for mothers to refuse their children. As a result of concessions, there may be feelings of guilt for weakness.

Despite these "mistakes", mothers really love their children and never regret their birth. It just seemed that it would turn out to be the best mother, but this is not always possible.