My child is being followed on the Internet: how to protect?

Recently, the news appeared in the media that the Ukrainian singer Jerry Hale turned to the first lady for help. She said that a stranger has been stalking her on social networks for many years, writes her "fantasies" and threatens her. When the woman turned to the police, she did not receive any help, they say, "another worshiper, you are a star." But in fact, this is cyberstalking, and it is a crime. Both adults and children can fall prey to such criminals on the Internet. How to protect yourself and your child?

Source: freepik

What is cyberstalking, what can be done about it, who are stalkers, why do they do it, and why is it so difficult to protect yourself from them and understand that you have become a victim, as well as about "fans" who do not respect your personal boundaries, we talked in the ninth episode of the podcast "Good parents are not blocked" #stop_searching in cooperation with The Ukrainians Media. Alena Kryvulyak, the director of the hot-line department of the public organization "Lastrada Ukraine" helped us deal with these issues.

Alyona Kryvulyak

Director of the Hotline Department of the NGO "Lastrada Ukraine"

Is it possible to recognize a stalker? What are the signs that a person has become a victim of stalking?

A stalker or a stalker will not be "written on the forehead" that it is he. One of the forms of stalking is secret cyberstalking. Here, people cannot even identify that they are victims of cyberstalking. This does not happen with the help of any likes, messages or comments. This is when a cyberstalker simply follows our life on social networks. He can view photos, but at the same time he cannot comment on them, like them, or save them. Just watch and that's it.

And how is it different from subscribers in social networks?

Subscribers on social networks simply know that there is a person or a blogger who is interesting to watch. But there is something else in life besides this blogger. And we, for example, study, go to work, meet friends. And social networks are one of the components. If we are talking about a cyberstalker, then his observation is a separate element of life, a manic action.

How often do cases of cyberstalking occur in Ukraine?

Last year, we received more than 4 requests from children or parents that their child was suffering from cyberstalking. And we were interested to see if cyberstalking is 4, then how much stalking in real life is not related to the virtual one. And it was interesting to understand that a little more than 000 thousand children reported stalking in real life. In fact, many people believe that in real life this is a criminal offense, but in the virtual world it is nothing to worry about. But in essence, the statistics of real life and virtual life differ little.

Source: freepik

If my child suffered from cyberstalking, what should I do?

If we are talking about cyberstalking, it is penetration into our personal life and possession of our personal information. These are certain threats in one way or another: for example, "if you go somewhere, if you tell someone, it will be unpleasant for you."

It would be ideal if Ukraine had an article in the legislation on this crime. Unfortunately, this is not yet available, and we have to proceed from the norms that are in place today. Therefore, these may be cases of child abuse, distribution of pornographic productions against the child. And these are actions that are ordered by the criminal code. Therefore, the recommendation: in any case, take screenshots of correspondence or any content that the cyberstalker sends you. If you complain about the account, take a screenshot of this complaint. This must be done so that when you turn to law enforcement agencies as parents protecting your child, you can explain that you have already taken the necessary steps at the first stage. "Here is my confirmation that I complained." And, accordingly, all this information is attached to your application to the police.

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There were many discussions about the ratification of the Istanbul Convention, which has an article on stalking. Last year, it was ratified in Ukraine, but there is still no such article in the legislation. So will it be settled?

Indeed, we have the 34th article of the Istanbul Convention, which should regulate these issues related to stalking, including stalking in the Internet space. As of today, Ukraine has developed a road map for improving the legislation, which falls under the standards of the Istanbul Convention, and now this road map is under expert discussion. That is, the state has decided that it will not only be done by state structures, it will be done by the entire expert community, which includes state structures, the public sector, and international organizations in order to develop good, high-quality legislation that would meet international standards.

Source: freepik

Are there any such signs or actions of the child that put him in a greater risk zone?

No one is immune from this. It can be some banal things: for example, your child meets a boy or a girl, they break up, but your child has fallen so deeply into the soul of this boy or girl that this cyberstalking will simply be because your child broke off the relationship.

Quite often, it is important for a cyberstalker to collect as much personal information about the child as possible. And it is clear that the more information a cyberstalker has, the more he can intimidate a child and keep the child under control.

Are there certain rules that we should teach the child?

If you give your child a gadget in his hands, access to virtual life, then this is already a sign that you need to talk to your child about online safety: what is good, what is bad, what is possible, what is not. We must tell children that they are responsible for all the actions they do not only in real life, but also in the virtual world.

What should parents say if the child comes and says that he suffered from such actions?

Any child can suffer from cyberstalking. The child is not to blame for what happened. If you see that your child's mood has somehow changed, you can initiate the conversation yourself. If your child comes and tells you such moments that haunt me in my little Internet cell, then it is cool that your child confided in you. First, tactility is the most important: you can hug the child, pat him on the head, and the like. The second is gratitude: thank the child for telling you this information. The third is to write down a specific plan together with the child, how he sees the solution to this situation. You, for your part, as an adult, will slightly adjust this plan.

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Basic tips for parents about cyberstalking on the Internet:

• Experts recommend starting conversations about Internet safety at the moment when you give your child their first gadget.
• Teach your child not to share personal information online. Explain that the name of the school and places where the child often visits must be private for the child's safety. Life hack for online safety: post a photo of the event after some time, as you leave the place, so that the cyberstalker does not find you in real life.
• Teach the child to respect his own boundaries and the boundaries of other people. Be sure to tell your child about real responsibility even for actions in the virtual world, and teach them to express their feelings online - correctly.
• If the child fell into a story with a cyberstalker, in no case do not blame the ego. Make an action plan and follow it together with the child. Give the child the opportunity to make decisions independently, but always be there.
• Remember, you can always ask for help. Visit the site https://stop-sexting.in.ua/adult/. We are always near.

The special project was created based on the podcast "Good parents are not blocked" by the public organization #stop_ѕехтинг. Episode 9 "My child is being followed on the Internet", expert director of the department of hot lines of the public organization "Lastrada Ukraine" Alena Kryvulyak: https://li.sten.to/4sadyj60