A first-grader asks for his own phone: is it necessary or not?

In the summer of 2023, the UNESCO organization presented a large report on gadgets in schools. Experts insist that phones should be banned in schools, because they harm academic performance, have a bad effect on self-control and emotional stability, and increase anxiety in children. On September 1, Lviv initiated a ban on the use of mobile phones during lessons, but after parents were outraged that during wartime they should always be in touch with their children, the ban was changed to a recommendation.

Source: freepik

How to choose the first gadget for a child? What should it be: a phone, a smart watch, or a push-button phone in general? What is a digital overdose and how dangerous is it for children? About this we tell in the seventh episode of the podcast "Good parents are not blocked" #stop_searching in cooperation with The Ukrainians Media. The invited expert was Ekaterina Serdyuk, a child and perinatal psychologist: https://li.sten.to/z9pkthgd

Kateryna Serdyuk

Child and perinatal psychologist

Does a first-grader already need to have his own smartphone?

The first thing to start with is to determine the goal that you set for yourself. Why does the child need this smartphone: to keep in touch with him, to play educational games or watch educational videos and the like. When you have determined the goal, you can understand exactly what the gadget should be: a smart watch, a push-button phone or a smartphone. For training, it is better to choose a tablet, laptop or computer.

If we are talking about a smartphone that has a lot of functions, then the first danger that a child faces is free access to the Internet. For example, before school age, a child is impulsive, and if we give a gadget to a child at the age of 4-5, it can be very harmful, because the child will definitely not be able to control himself. Closer to school age, the child already has more developed mental functions: reflection, the ability to stop at something.

Just like that, giving a child a gadget and saying: "Use it and develop" is, of course, dangerous, but it can be safe if you have prepared the child in advance, discussed certain rules, developed behavioral tactics, and the like.

The next important point is the example you set for your child and how you handle this gadget. In general, buying a gadget for a child is the best time to start talking about online safety or even sign a family agreement, where there are rules for both children and children: what can be done online or with a gadget, how long, where it will be at night (away from the bedroom).

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By what signs can you understand that a child is ready to have the first smartphone?

First, parents must be ready for this, ready to give the child basic knowledge. The second thing that a child should be ready for is arbitrariness, that is, the ability to control himself. If we talk about the development of mental processes from lower to higher, then higher mental processes begin to form from school age, younger and older. For example, a child can already come home from school, and instead of playing, he can sit down, control the emotional-volitional sphere, and sit down to do homework. The second point is reflection, when the child can analyze. And basically, it's about critical thinking. After all, we, as parents, can protect the gadget, but not all parents are as conscious at school. Therefore, the child can simply see something on the smartphones of his friends. For such situations, a child needs the ability to analyze and think critically.

Source: freepik

Now schools often create class chats in various messengers. What to do if you have a first-grader and he wants to join the chat?

If there is an opportunity, you need to talk about these points at the parent meeting: why is it not useful? Create these chats for parents, not for children. If the chat is still created for children, then parents should control this process.

In general, I support the opinion that an agreement should be made with the teacher, with other parents, so that, for example, first graders are not allowed to use smartphones. And for communication, use a push-button phone or a smart watch.

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By what signs can you understand that a child already has too many phones?

The first is when we see an overexcited child, it is aggression, absent-mindedness, closed-mindedness. Therefore, it is important to first set limits. Every free minute in the gadget is overload, that is, the child cannot control his time. It can also be tantrums, bad sleep or too much sleep. Regarding sleep: we always pay attention to children of any age and adults, it is desirable that the phone is not charged in the bedroom, because it can vibrate, light signals are received, and this is why we wake up.

How to get rid of excessive attachment to a gadget when it takes a lot of energy from a child?

The first is to be an example. The child takes an example first of all from the parents. If the parents have a gadget in the first place, then it is strange to expect the second behavior from the child.

The second is a limitation and a leading role. Parents should control this process, because it is the parental boundaries that are important for the child. Parents should organize conditions for the child to have something else interesting: sections, clubs, sports, languages, leisure. The child needs to discover this world.

And what is even more important is that it speaks of values. If it is the norm to sit constantly with the phone for mom and dad, then it is also the norm for the child. Therefore, it is necessary to remember these values, that we are an example. And we give this norm to the child in the family. Of course, in adolescence, he will revise these norms another 150 times, but we are laying this foundation.

Source: freepik

The main tips for parents about the first smartphone for a child:

• Ask yourself: why does the child need this smartphone? Ask yourself what you want your child to do there: keep in touch with you, play educational games, and the like. When you decide on the goal, it will be clear what gadget to buy for the child: a smart watch, a push-button phone or a smartphone.
• It will be valuable to agree on the rules when and where you can use your smartphone. For example, you should not take your smartphone at the table while eating, it is better to put it down if the whole family has gathered to spend time together, or when a child is crossing the road, etc.
• If you want your child to spend less time online, you should remember a few things. First, pay attention to yourself: where are your gadgets when you eat and communicate with your family, because children are our mirror. Secondly, be prepared for the "withdrawal" syndrome - an emotional reaction of the child. Since the appearance of a smartphone, the child needs to be told the rules and restrictions so that the habit is formed.
• You can understand that a child spends a lot of time online by the following signs: overexcitability of the child, aggression, absent-mindedness, isolation, lack of interest in everything except the gadget.
• Specialists recommend that children of primary school age spend up to 2 hours online per day, using parental control programs and/or under parental supervision.
• It is important for parents to initially set time limits in all social networks and games used by the child, because their algorithms are designed in such a way that the user spends more time online and consumes more advertising. We remind you that registration in most social networks is allowed for children over 13 years old.

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The special project was created based on the podcast "Good parents are not blocked" by the public organization #stop_ѕехтинг. Episode 7 My First Grader Asks for His Own Phone Expert Ekaterina Serdyuk is a child and perinatal psychologist: https://li.sten.to/z9pkthgd